Birth Control Theory

New theory.  Think this is it!  I’m sick of having theories.  I just want to be normal…not always searching to figure out why I have a symptom.  This new theory may very well be the reason for SO many of my symptoms, if not ALL of them!

I was a normal female when I was a teenager.  No mood swings.  No acne.  No depression.  Well, maybe I was abnormal 😉  I decided to start on birth control at age 18..a girl’s got to be careful!  That’s when symptoms started appearing.  But each one came on so subtly, that I didn’t put it all together…until this past weekend!  After another mood swing, my husband said…HORMONES!  And I decided to not go all CRAZY on him because I was tired.  So I went to bed and slept on it. 

Took out the laptop first thing in the morning.  Decided to look up stuff on hormones.  One thing let to another thing, and before I knew it I may have found the answer!  BIRTH CONTROL!

What the F?!  Seriously!  Did I do this all to myself?  I’m afraid I did!  All this suffering and searching…

So I spent the week going back and forth in my mind.  What do I do? 

It’s time.  It’s time to go au natural! 

I’m scared! 

Why am I scared?  I’m married.  I’m more ready than I ever have been in case there’s an oops moment and the rubber breaks.

I’m scared because birth control has been with me my entire adult life.  I don’t know what me is like without birth control other than who I used to be as a teenager.  But we change as we age.  Will this change me?  How?  Will I be less or more moody?  Will my acne go away or get worse?  Will I gain or lose weight?  WILL I GET PREGNANT?  Can I get pregnant? 

I have spent SO many years trying to NOT be moody, manage my hormones…be someone my husband likes.  It’s been hard.  Will it be hard anymore?  Will I have to try and not be moody?  Will this part of my life go away?  Oh I hope so!  I hope I turn into the female I used to be!

Usually this kind of thing wouldn’t bother me…but THIS is bothering me!  Why am I so attached?

My IUD and I go separate ways tomorrow.  I think one reason why I’m having such a hard time with this is because it’s one step closer to starting a family.  I’m not ready.  Who ever is?  I thought I was getting closer.  I think I am closer, but this is another stake in the ground and it is scaring me.

Tomorrow is the first day of getting me back.  I hope I like her!

*******************************************************

It’s been a year and a half since my birth control and I have parted ways.  Thought it would be nice to weigh-in and give an update.

The BEST decision of my life!!!!

I will NEVER EVER go back on birth control.  I believe my body has finally gotten rid of the fake hormones.  Although, my menstrual cycles are not like they were before I started on birth control when I was 18.  They are extremely light with one heavy day.  Only lasting about 4 days.  From what I have read, a woman’s body changes over time, so I have to believe that the lifecycle of a woman’s body is the reason for the change, and hoping it’s not due to the birth control use. 

I was worried about a little swimmer getting past the goalie.  Didn’t happen…good/bad?  I don’t know.  I wanted to have an unplanned HE SHOOTS HE SCORES to remove the fear that I may not be able to get pregnant.  Now, we have had 2 unsuccessful attempts at scoring and I have the awful thoughts. 

As far as “Did I find ME?”…yes I did!  I’m back!  My moodiness is at a minimum, although I do have my moments.  They are much more controlled and less frequent and usually the result of a whirlwind of reasons and not just hormones.

My acne…VERY manageable.  I usually will only deal with a small breakout from my ensuing cycle or eating too much dairy.

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